I wrote this back in March, and never posted it... so here it is. D
I don't know why, but asking for help is very hard for me to do. Unfortunately it has been brought to my attention that it is something I have to learn to do. I began by asking God for help in everything!
After looking into possible job and schooling options for about a month I found myself very low again. Thankfully I was able to quickly get into the Dr. and begin med adjustments. She also told me to forget about looking for work right now, as I'm not ready for it, giving me another couple of months to get better. I am so thankful!
At church on Sunday someone came and prayed for me. She stayed with me for quite a while, and just kept asking God to touch me in specific ways (which she didn't know about). Today she mentioned that I had been on her mind all of last week, and that she had been praying. Thank you Jesus!
I don't know how other people deal with daily things in life, but I'm the type of person who gets done what needs to be done, no matter what... up until the last few months, that is. Now I'm learning that's not necessarily what God has desired for me... not that I can just expect other people to hand over money to provide for my lifestyle, or that I don't have to do anything to help my family (I'm just not that type of person anyways), but I can only do so much, and I need to fully rely on God for the rest.
I'm not even sure where I'm going with this, but I just have to be true to myself and say that although things have been tough, are still tough, may always be tough, that does not have to define who I am in Christ. If He thinks I'm "OK", then why should I be so hard on myself? So what, if I can't work yet? Maybe other things are happening inside me and my family that needs to be happening.