Sunday, January 24, 2010

A Conscious Effort

I've been making an effort, over the past 6 months or so, to develop friendships. It's going good, and I'm enjoying getting to know the people I've been with. I've even begun to overcome my crippling anxiety about having people over to visit (slowly, yes..., very slowly).

A couple of weeks ago I happened to "catch" a friend online, who we had briefly met about 4 years ago, but had moved away shortly after. It so happens that she is in a nearby town for the month (nearby is a 3 hour drive). Well, we are going to go see her and her family (which includes an addition since we last saw them).

It's funny how excited we both are! Inside myself I'm like a little kid who gets to go and play at a friend's house! We're only going to see them for a couple of hours, but it will be worth it! Besides, I haven't been out of this town since last May, so a getaway will be great.

Who knows how a friendship will develop, or how long it will last, or if we will ever see that person again once we say "goodbye"? I've said enough "goodbyes" to last a lifetime. I hate them! That's probably why I have such trouble making friends.

I'm glad I've made a conscious effort to start new friendships and to develop deeper ones with the people I already consider my friends. It's healthy, it's fun, and it's rewarding.

Enjoy your week!

Monday, January 18, 2010

Letting Go


If ever there was someone who has felt the need to be in control in any given situation, it would be me. From deciding things like our wedding date, suitable birth dates for our children, what and where to spend money, who can visit us... the list has been never ending!

You know I felt that the world was crashing down on me numerous times in the last 8 or so years, and each time, I have given myself over to You a little more... allowing myself to accept that You control what is to happen in my life.

I thought I should have been all through with learning this stuff by now, but apparently I'm not too old for You to keep plugging away with me.

I now realize that You actually have had ALL the control in my life.

I think I'm actually learning to "Be OKAY" with it all. To realize that crap happens... and I've got to learn how to work around or through it. Nowhere am I promised that I can expect certain things in my life (or my children's). I don't know where I had the idea in my head that it was my right to have things my way. I am sorry for believing that! Please forgive me.

I need to remember that good things happen too... and when they do, I've got to hold on to the memories and be thankful to You who has allowed them in my life.

Please help me to be like a child who has complete trust (no worry) about clothes, food, sleep, protection, employment ...

Thank You for Your patience and love. I am grateful!