Sunday, August 30, 2009

Fresh Air for Dirty Laundry

Thanks for dropping by!  I really appreciate knowing who is reading this, so if you don't mind, drop me a comment or two to let me know.

This week my husband said to me:  " I can't believe all the people who write about everything going ( which I interpreted as "their dirty laundry") on in their lives and put it on the internet!"  Of course, he said it just after I recently started to do a similar thing.

My question to him was, "Well, why do people journal and not want anyone to read them?" (because he's kept a journal ever since we've been married)

I'm not sure why I'm writing this, or if I'll even keep on doing it, but I hope it is some sort of catharsis (purifying of the emotions).

Do you ever get similar thoughts to mine?  "I thought I'd be somewhere else in life, other than where I am."  Maybe not physically speaking... however to tell you the truth, I have meant physically... but like... I thought I'd have 2 kids, a cat, a dog (which we do have), a mortgage (which we don't have), and a white picket fence..... my dream job would be.... and the list goes on. 

Well, this is where I've been at since about 7 years now.  Yes, I've finally come to terms that living in Smithers isn't all that bad, but it did take us living here for about 6 years before that happened.  I'm not speaking for the rest of my family, just for me.  It's strange too, because I've really wanted to "settle down" somewhere... you know, plant my roots... it just wasn't in Smithers that I wanted to do it.

I'm going to get pretty personal right now, but it's not something I haven't spoken with people, it's where I'm at.  When I've thought "I'd be somewhere else in life..." I've usually been thinking in terms of my spiritual walk.  I would never have imagined that I wouldn't trust God, but that's how I've been.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that He sent His Son to die for me thousands of years ago... so that I could have eternal life.  But my question lately is: "Why don't You care about me today?"  Pretty sure I'm gonna get some comments now....

We're going through a lot of difficulties right now, and to tell you the truth, I don't have the energy to do much more than get up, get to work, do my work, then come home and be a zombie.  My emotional being is maxed.  I don't feel like I can take any more bad news, and I certainly don't have the strength to deal with the already bad news.  I'm just plain worn out.

And then I hear a message like the Pastor gave today... and he's speaking right to me... It's about my discipline to be faithful with my relationship with God.

I've been relying on the prayers of everyone else for too long (but if you're one of the people who has been praying for me.... PLEASE DON'T STOP NOW!!!)  It's my turn to do something.  I guess, if I want to see results, I need to put in some effort. 

Okay, You got my attention God... but now, where do I start?  I mean, I grew up in the church, loving Jesus since I was soooooo young!  I graduated from Bible College for goodness sake (not that it means anything!), I've had kids that I intended to bring up loving You... (hmm slipped up there!) ... and now I can't even pray more than 2 sentences without my mind wandering.... seriously! 

All right, so now you know where I'm at.  I don't like it.  I don't want to stay in this position.  But I can't do it on my own.  God, please help me to grow in You, and to become the kind of person you intended for me to be.... and also, please provide for every need our family has right now, and let me see that it's not my doing that it's happening, but that it's YOU.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

What's Up With That?

I have never considered myself to be a domestic anything, but this weekend has taken the cake!

This past week I've been reading a couple of blogs from top to bottom (2 years worth), giving tips and telling woes of personal finances.  This one blog tells what she stocks her shelves with in order to have healthy and less expensive meals.  She frequently writes about making soup.

I have never been an expert at soup.  In fact, I had invited a friend and his children over to lunch for some home-made soup.  The little girl quite blatently (and loudly) said, "This is the WORST SOUP I have EVER TASTED!"... to which my face went multiple shades of scarlet (and it wasn't even my usual hot flash).  Since then I have pretty much given up on all soup but Campbell's.

Well, on Friday night I searched for a highly reviewed stock and spent 8 hours yesterday simmering it... I had at least thought after all those hours I could have an actual pot of soup to eat, but no... this was stock, so I needed to save it in ice cube trays to use for real soup later.

Later was today, and I tried it... except it tasted terrible.... well, not really terrible, it just didn't taste anything, so I ended up adding my beef bouillion into it in the end, some cut up steak and veggies and it was okay.... but my question is... What's up with that?  If you spend all day making something, you should at least be able to use it that day and eat it..........

Any help, tips, ideas?  Or should I just stick with being a Campbell's cook?

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Next year is my high school class' 30th reunion. Now I know I'll never make it to Texas (which seems to be either the most central location for everyone or the place where the volunteers to organize it live) to be there with everyone who attends, but it's so neat to read in our notes to each other how people are, how their families are doing, who's having babies and getting married (yes, even after 45!), who's becoming grandparents, and who is becoming a parent to their parent.

I feel like I did way back then, even though I know I don't look the same. When I see pictures of everyone else I realize I'm not any different than they are... we're all showing our ages, but hey, we've worked hard to get where we are!

Our group of 60+ graduates were once together, coming from various backgrounds, yet similar in the sense that we lived at a boarding school and most of us did not live with our families. Now we are all spread out across the globe. It's a bond we have that most North American people can't relate to. Many of my classmates had been together at Rift Valley Academy (RVA) since elementary school. I didn't begin until Ninth Grade, and then I left, returning for our Senior year.

It's only recently I've been trying to figure out why I find it so hard to make and keep long-lasting friendships. I blame it all on the fact that if I knew I wouldn't be somewhere for longer than a year or two there wasn't any real point in making deep friendships. The problem was that just before I ended up moving again I found myself saying "to heck with it, I need a friend" and begin growing a new relationship. This happened over and over and the only person I hurt was myself.

Now I'm finding that I tend to make deeper relationships through facebook or just long distance, and I'm not sure if it's a security issue (they're far away as it is, and we can always keep in touch this way) or if it's because I'm scared to actually continue a relationship with someone in my town (which is a security issue)...

Anyways, enough of my blabbering for today. My goal is to try making more meaningful and lasting relationships with people, both ones in my community and ones who are far away.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009


Our family moved to Smithers, BC on March 17, 2001, which means that as of today (August 04, 2009) we have been living here for:

For most of this time, I have felt like I was Blown to Smithereens (not in a good way). However, I hope to try to take a more positive look at this, as if maybe SomeOne actually personally blew me (a whole, but being fragmented or splintered into numerous tiny disconnected pieces) to Smithers with His own breath... to reconnect with Him.

This will be my journey. I make no promises, but hopefully I will mend, grow together, heal, become something beautiful. I am not one who enjoys journalling, yet I do enjoy reading about people's journeys in life.