Monday, December 21, 2009

Being Followed

Although I am appreciative, knowing that I have a blog "following", I am totally unsure as to why anyone would want to follow someone who is feeling so aimless in life.

This has again been another month of ups and downs in the life of moi... and I find myself totally unsure of what I am to do with myself. And to top it all off, I've got the Christmas blues again... even though I'm actually prepared (gift-wise).

For anyone who is so inclined, prayers are so much appreciated. I have found myself jobless and have a lot of soul-searching and choices that can be made... this isn't necessarily a bad thing either, but I don't seem to be able to cope well with making choices at the present.

Thankfully a kind Dr. has given me a reprieve of some sorts, so I can honestly say on my EI forms that I am not able and willing to work right now. If only my mind would mend.

I'm trying to be patient with myself, yet not completely comatose.

This isn't meant to be a downer, really! God is still blessing me (I don't understand it, but am truly thankful!)

I want to wish those of you who read this a blessed Christmas... and hope you are able to hold onto those glimpses of joy that you are able to experience throughout your day!

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

The Waiting Game

Anyone who really knows me well would know I'm not a patient person. In fact, I like to have things all sorted out ahead of time, way ahead of time! Some may call this anxiety, some may call this trying to take God's place, some may think it wise. It has gotten me in trouble many times.

For instance, if I know some money is coming to me, I have it spent in my mind already. Three months down the road, in fact. It's virtually gone before I ever have it. This has gotten me in trouble because in the past I've tried to borrow from Paul to pay Peter, when neither of them has the money yet. I'm working on that! It's going good.

I usually like to have any special vacation planned down to when we will stop for coffee, to gas up, to get rid of the coffee, and what we are doing each day. It has worked well, but sometimes I just need to let go of the control and just let things happen. I haven't been as successful at this.

When we planned to move to Smithers we sort of had the idea that our long term plan for here would be 5 years. Well, you can see how long it's been, and it doesn't appear that this will change anytime soon either. Okay, so I was wrong, and I'm okay with being here now.

This past year ended up with some unexpected turns in our lives. I won't go into all the details, but one of them has been that my husband became ill, and has been on a medical leave since March. It has been an uphill battle dealing with Pension and Disability agencies, but ... and I will first and foremost thank God... that has not been for nothing. There were times that I didn't feel I could ever look at another piece of paper that needed filling out ever again. With the help of some wonderful people that have been placed in our lives, I was able to deal with that. Other times I felt like just giving up on the whole thing... so what if we never saw any more money? But my gut instinct was that if Tim was entitled to something, we should fight for it. So fight we did... or rather, I did.

I'd like to let you know that my man is improving, and we hope for more improvements in the future. We have wonderful Doctors taking him under their wings! We wouldn't have made it without their help and care!

Last month we got news that his Disability Pension was approved for a year (after appealing the first decision)! What a celebration! This week we found out that he has been approved for Long-Term Disability through his work(after having the Union appeal the first decision). We never knew the power of a Union, but are thankful for their help in this!

I may have not fought so hard for this if it weren't for a friend who encouraged me to keep trying, until I could try no more. Thank you V!

I'll be honest that I'm trying so hard not to worry about when the year is up. Things could change, and I must be ready for that. They could actually get better!

There are many people who have listened, prayed, and shared their experiences with us over the past year... please don't stop! I know I have made a few friendships I don't want to go without. Thank you for being there for us, and for pointing us back to Whom is in charge of everything!

A few months ago I was desperate. Now I know I'm still desperate, but I know that there is Someone who is with me and is caring for me, and is providing for me in many more ways than I ever could have dreamed.

Thank you all! I can hardly wait to see what's in store now ;-)

Monday, October 12, 2009

God With Skin On

Today is Thanksgiving, and I want my readers to know that I am thankful for a God with skin on. This may seem like an absurd concept, and I am not trying to be disrespectful. As many of you know, our family has had a rough year (you can read my Sunday, August 30, 2009 post), and I was pretty much crying out for God to prove He has skin... that He truly cares for my family now, with what we are going through. Well, within a few hours of that posting I had an answer... and since that day I've had my eyes opened even more.

Sometimes we just need to see Him in our lives. Working out the minute details... I am a person who likes having a plan. I live my life with lists. I've learned to minimize those lists, so I don't constantly live under guilt because I don't ever complete them. However, I know I give God my "Honey-Do" list... and expect Him to complete the tasks with my deadline expectations. He's showing me that He is the only One who can set and meet deadlines.

Today, I want to thank God for allowing me to see Him (again)...

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Time for Frugality

Lately I haven't been thinking too deeply, or at least about anything I want to share... but I have been trying to curb our spending. 

I think I'm going to try something new.  I'm not a "greenie", but due to the cost of a bottle of laundry soap (that I know works great) being over the $22 mark, I think I'll try to make my own liquid laundry soap.  I'll put the ingredients on the grocery list for Tim to pick up next time he shops and will try er out.

If you have ever tried this, please let me know how it worked for you.  There's also a Dishwasher Detergent recipe I might give a go on, as I hate spending so much for things like that!

The recipe is from a blog I happened upon this evening (check it out, it's pretty good):

I have become the epitome of frugal: I just made my own laundry detergent. I decided it sounded like a fun project to do today, so I hunted down the ingredients to make it, and voila! I know have a ton of homemade laundry detergent stored in a trash can down in my basement. I decided the liquid homemade laundry detergent would be my best bet, so that’s what I decided to make.

Before I started, I gathered up the following supplies:

* A pot to melt the soap in
* Bar of soap (I chose Ivory soap because it is non irritating)
* 1 gallon jug
* Trash can to store laundry detergent in
* 1 box of Washing Soda
* 1 box Borax
* Long handled spoon to stir mixture

Where to buy washing soda? It was a little tough to find, but my local Meijer carried it in the laundry detergent aisle. I called 1-800-524-1328, put in my zip code, and it told me where I could find it.

Here is the recipe for dry laundry detergent:

* 2 1/2 ounces soap bars, grated into flakes (Approx. a half a bar of soap)
* 1 cup borax
* 1 cup washing soda

Here’s the homemade laundry detergent recipe for liquid laundry detergent:

* 1 bar of soap of your choice
* 1 cup washing soda
* ½ cup borax

My first step was to almost boil about 4-5 cups of water, and shave the bar of soap into the water, stirring occasionally. Once that was done, I let it sit on the stove while I poured three gallons of hot water into my trash can. I then measured out 1 cup of washing soda and 1/2 cup of borax. I took the hot soap mixture, added it to the water in my trash can, and stirred until it looked pretty evenly distributed. Then I slowly added my 1 cup of washing soda until that was dissolved, and then did the same to the borax. That’s it. Fairly simple. I’m going to let it sit and get cool before I try to use it. It’s pretty liquid right now.

I have a front loading high efficiency (HE) washing machine. I’m going to use about a half a cup of this for my laundry loads. I’ll let you know how well it works!

Sunday, September 13, 2009


I've decided to take things "lighter" today.  With two teenagers in the household, who we tend not to see very often, due to schedule conflicts, or the fact that they burrow themselves in their rooms when they are home, I have recently been trying to at least bring us together to have a good laugh or two every day.

Anyone who knows our family realizes we tend to do our own things:  Tim hikes, Candle texts, Nathan games, and I Facebook.  But when we do actually have conversations together, they tend to be humorous.

Since we all enjoy animals, here are a few places we have found some expressions of hilarity in our "moments" together:

  1. Cute Overload
  2. Yum Yum Kitty 
  3.  ImprovEverywhere 
Enjoy your week everyone!

Friday, September 04, 2009

We Raised You Both Exactly The Same!

Since writing my last post I couldn't get the rambling ideas for other topics to use to quit ... and the next day I promptly forgot them! 

Anyways, my outlook on life is going much better today.  I have seen the Hand of God used to bless my family this week, through various ways.  All of which I must admit that, Yes, God does really and truly care about where I am at today.  (an AHA moment!)

If God has used you, even in ways you may think are minute, be encouraged!

The one random topic that has been popping up in my mind lately is something my Mom use to say to me.  Now, I'm sure it's not something every Mother has said to her child... but hopefully you'll understand better once I'm done this post.

Most of you may have heard a parent at one time or another say, "Why can't you be more like your Brother/Sister?"  Well, Mom explained herself to me in this way:  "I don't know how you and your Sister can be so totally different.  After all, we raised you both exactly the same!"

Okay, you can stop snickering!  Yes, of course, I was the goody two shoes...

My Sister Tracy and I have discussed this at great length... and here are at least some of our arguments against what Mom was saying:
  • First and foremost, my Sister (Tracy)... I only have one sibling, was adopted into our family when I was 7 years old and she was 1 month old.  
  • We have since met her birth Mother, a lovely woman whom our families thoroughly enjoy being with... and we can see where Tracy gets her quirkiness from... okay, maybe I should say - her spunk.
  • Tracy was able to meet her birth Father  a few years ago.  She found out this week that he has passed away.
  • Tracy has found 3 other half siblings! 
  • I lived with my parents from birth to when I was 12 years old, which is when our family moved to Kenya, East Africa for the first time and I went to Rift Valley Academy (RVA).  I then only saw my family every 3 months, for a month at a time.  After 1 year there we returned to the Yukon for 2 years, where I again lived at home, and then returned for my Senior year at RVA.  
  • Tracy lived at RVA for Grades 4 through 12, with only a couple of years in between where she lived at home.
Although our Mom has passed away over 6 years ago now, it was always hard for her to deal with the knowledge that Tracy had made contact with her birth parents.  Mom (and Dad) I know she did not mean any harm or disrespect to either of you, and that she really needed to find her roots.

Anyways, now you know a bit about me and my Sis.  I love her dearly, and enjoy getting to know her more as we are adults... I was pretty mean as a big Sister... I think she's forgiven me now.

Tracy,  I'm sorry for your loss this week. I know you don't know how you are "suppose" to feel, but know that I love you, and pray God will help you through it all.

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Fresh Air for Dirty Laundry

Thanks for dropping by!  I really appreciate knowing who is reading this, so if you don't mind, drop me a comment or two to let me know.

This week my husband said to me:  " I can't believe all the people who write about everything going ( which I interpreted as "their dirty laundry") on in their lives and put it on the internet!"  Of course, he said it just after I recently started to do a similar thing.

My question to him was, "Well, why do people journal and not want anyone to read them?" (because he's kept a journal ever since we've been married)

I'm not sure why I'm writing this, or if I'll even keep on doing it, but I hope it is some sort of catharsis (purifying of the emotions).

Do you ever get similar thoughts to mine?  "I thought I'd be somewhere else in life, other than where I am."  Maybe not physically speaking... however to tell you the truth, I have meant physically... but like... I thought I'd have 2 kids, a cat, a dog (which we do have), a mortgage (which we don't have), and a white picket fence..... my dream job would be.... and the list goes on. 

Well, this is where I've been at since about 7 years now.  Yes, I've finally come to terms that living in Smithers isn't all that bad, but it did take us living here for about 6 years before that happened.  I'm not speaking for the rest of my family, just for me.  It's strange too, because I've really wanted to "settle down" somewhere... you know, plant my roots... it just wasn't in Smithers that I wanted to do it.

I'm going to get pretty personal right now, but it's not something I haven't spoken with people, it's where I'm at.  When I've thought "I'd be somewhere else in life..." I've usually been thinking in terms of my spiritual walk.  I would never have imagined that I wouldn't trust God, but that's how I've been.  I know without a shadow of a doubt that He sent His Son to die for me thousands of years ago... so that I could have eternal life.  But my question lately is: "Why don't You care about me today?"  Pretty sure I'm gonna get some comments now....

We're going through a lot of difficulties right now, and to tell you the truth, I don't have the energy to do much more than get up, get to work, do my work, then come home and be a zombie.  My emotional being is maxed.  I don't feel like I can take any more bad news, and I certainly don't have the strength to deal with the already bad news.  I'm just plain worn out.

And then I hear a message like the Pastor gave today... and he's speaking right to me... It's about my discipline to be faithful with my relationship with God.

I've been relying on the prayers of everyone else for too long (but if you're one of the people who has been praying for me.... PLEASE DON'T STOP NOW!!!)  It's my turn to do something.  I guess, if I want to see results, I need to put in some effort. 

Okay, You got my attention God... but now, where do I start?  I mean, I grew up in the church, loving Jesus since I was soooooo young!  I graduated from Bible College for goodness sake (not that it means anything!), I've had kids that I intended to bring up loving You... (hmm slipped up there!) ... and now I can't even pray more than 2 sentences without my mind wandering.... seriously! 

All right, so now you know where I'm at.  I don't like it.  I don't want to stay in this position.  But I can't do it on my own.  God, please help me to grow in You, and to become the kind of person you intended for me to be.... and also, please provide for every need our family has right now, and let me see that it's not my doing that it's happening, but that it's YOU.

Sunday, August 23, 2009

What's Up With That?

I have never considered myself to be a domestic anything, but this weekend has taken the cake!

This past week I've been reading a couple of blogs from top to bottom (2 years worth), giving tips and telling woes of personal finances.  This one blog tells what she stocks her shelves with in order to have healthy and less expensive meals.  She frequently writes about making soup.

I have never been an expert at soup.  In fact, I had invited a friend and his children over to lunch for some home-made soup.  The little girl quite blatently (and loudly) said, "This is the WORST SOUP I have EVER TASTED!"... to which my face went multiple shades of scarlet (and it wasn't even my usual hot flash).  Since then I have pretty much given up on all soup but Campbell's.

Well, on Friday night I searched for a highly reviewed stock and spent 8 hours yesterday simmering it... I had at least thought after all those hours I could have an actual pot of soup to eat, but no... this was stock, so I needed to save it in ice cube trays to use for real soup later.

Later was today, and I tried it... except it tasted terrible.... well, not really terrible, it just didn't taste anything, so I ended up adding my beef bouillion into it in the end, some cut up steak and veggies and it was okay.... but my question is... What's up with that?  If you spend all day making something, you should at least be able to use it that day and eat it..........

Any help, tips, ideas?  Or should I just stick with being a Campbell's cook?

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Next year is my high school class' 30th reunion. Now I know I'll never make it to Texas (which seems to be either the most central location for everyone or the place where the volunteers to organize it live) to be there with everyone who attends, but it's so neat to read in our notes to each other how people are, how their families are doing, who's having babies and getting married (yes, even after 45!), who's becoming grandparents, and who is becoming a parent to their parent.

I feel like I did way back then, even though I know I don't look the same. When I see pictures of everyone else I realize I'm not any different than they are... we're all showing our ages, but hey, we've worked hard to get where we are!

Our group of 60+ graduates were once together, coming from various backgrounds, yet similar in the sense that we lived at a boarding school and most of us did not live with our families. Now we are all spread out across the globe. It's a bond we have that most North American people can't relate to. Many of my classmates had been together at Rift Valley Academy (RVA) since elementary school. I didn't begin until Ninth Grade, and then I left, returning for our Senior year.

It's only recently I've been trying to figure out why I find it so hard to make and keep long-lasting friendships. I blame it all on the fact that if I knew I wouldn't be somewhere for longer than a year or two there wasn't any real point in making deep friendships. The problem was that just before I ended up moving again I found myself saying "to heck with it, I need a friend" and begin growing a new relationship. This happened over and over and the only person I hurt was myself.

Now I'm finding that I tend to make deeper relationships through facebook or just long distance, and I'm not sure if it's a security issue (they're far away as it is, and we can always keep in touch this way) or if it's because I'm scared to actually continue a relationship with someone in my town (which is a security issue)...

Anyways, enough of my blabbering for today. My goal is to try making more meaningful and lasting relationships with people, both ones in my community and ones who are far away.

Tuesday, August 04, 2009


Our family moved to Smithers, BC on March 17, 2001, which means that as of today (August 04, 2009) we have been living here for:

For most of this time, I have felt like I was Blown to Smithereens (not in a good way). However, I hope to try to take a more positive look at this, as if maybe SomeOne actually personally blew me (a whole, but being fragmented or splintered into numerous tiny disconnected pieces) to Smithers with His own breath... to reconnect with Him.

This will be my journey. I make no promises, but hopefully I will mend, grow together, heal, become something beautiful. I am not one who enjoys journalling, yet I do enjoy reading about people's journeys in life.